Emotional pain and addiction go hand in hand. Without emotional pain there would be no addiction. Painful events inevitably occur, usually when we’re young and faced with having to deal with it in whatever way we can.
Many end up in a vicious cycle where pain leads to “self-medicating” the pain, which leads to guilt and poor choices which leads to more pain, which leads to more medicating.
Is emotional pain worse than physical pain?
When I was 14 my mother answered the phone (on the wall back then) and somberly looked at my dad, “Your mother has died” she said and handed him the phone. I was stunned, in shock and disbelief. My Granny, for whom I enjoyed ‘favorite’ status of us six grandkids, had shot herself in the head. Apparently, she had been arguing with her live-in boyfriend, was drunk and threatening to shoot herself, waving a gun around. Boyfriend said she had done that before, but this time the gun went off, and she was gone. She was an alcoholic.
Addiction, alcoholism, drama, substance abuse, fear, excessive behaviors, confusion, dread, sadness, anxiety, denial, did I mention fear, all support and propagate each other.
Once these ‘energies’ get ahold, they don’t let go until one finds themselves spiraling downward into a pit of despair and depression with suicidal, or even homicidal thoughts.
It’s not hard to understand why there are so many suicides and homicides. People, Divine Beings, don’t do these things, the energies they are identified with do.
If you have physical pain, you address it; you don’t live with it. Why then, do so many live with emotional pain instead of addressing it?
There are many reasons.
If you had a broken leg that needed to be set and healed but you were able to still function while ignoring it, would you limp around the rest of your life making excuses for your inability to walk or run properly?
Would you just live with the dull ache rather than face the actual pain and be done with it?
Fortunately, physical pain doesn’t work that way; properly or not, your body will heal itself as best it can.
Emotional pain is different. While it’s true that time will heal some wounds, generally speaking, time heals nothing. Without being addressed and resolved, emotional wounds we suffered as children will still be there in adulthood.
The Paradox of ‘Self-Medicating’
In a healthy scenario, old wounds and unresolved issues can be addressed either with the help of a professional, a caring friend, or on our own through self-healing strategies and techniques we derive from available information.
We can use those incidents to learn, change and grow. They become fodder for self-improvement, personal development and spiritual growth.
Those incidents can also inform us about how to help others go through the process of healing and growth.
However, if we begin the journey without the guidance, courage or the knowledge to know how to do that, and are instead introduced to the power of escapism, we find ourselves years later down a road to nowhere.
Time passes but the wound is still there.
‘Self-Medicating’ Can Take Many Forms
There are numerous forms we take to medicate ourselves. From alcohol and drug abuse to out-of-balance distractions involving sex, shoplifting or bullying; an energy comes in that offers a respite from the pain.
Whenever we choose to run away from pain, through whatever means, it never works. Like the old saying, “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.” You also take the wound and the pain with you.
The paradox of course, is that those forms of denial, distraction and suppression only ensure the pain is not healed but stays and festers when it could have long since been relegated to the distant past as history.
Other more unconventional methods of medicating include anger and lashing out, depression and withdrawal, and other extremes of emoting, like shooting up a bank because someone there fired you.
Deflection from emotional pain is an epidemic.
I sometimes wonder why it is not put at the very top of the list of priorities of child rearing to instruct children on how to deal with emotional pain in a healthy way.
As soon as they are old enough to have friends that can offer them a drink under the bleachers, kids (who are in pain) find an easy way out, and then get trapped in the ‘medicating cycle’.
Real Medicine is a Choice
The First Real Medicine to address emotional pain and addiction is Humility. If one embraces Humility, the ability to be Humble, then there is an opening to change course.
The Huna definition of Humility is to be flexible in perspective; to leave open the possibility to see things differently.
People who suffer from addiction that I know seem stuck in denial, defeatism and powerlessness. It costs nothing to be humble and engage an open mind.
The Second Real Medicine is Willingness. If you can be Humble and Open to a new perspective, then all you need is Willingness to see where that takes you. Willingness is another form of Humility and again, it costs nothing to be Willing.
The Third Real Medicine is Courage. If you can be Humble and Willing, it’s not that much further to Brave. Being Brave is just reaching further into the place where Humble and Willing came from. If you can access those two, you can access Courage as well. And it will feel powerful when you do!
The Fourth Real Medicine is Ask. If you can manage the first three, then use that Courage to Ask for help and support. Ask your own Inner Guidance first. That doesn’t require much Courage at all. Anyone can ask their own Self, Spirit, Source for some help and guidance. You don’t even have to believe anything. Just try it and see what happens.
Then, it’s not that much further to a phone call, online chat or making an appointment with a coach, counselor or mental health professional.
With Humility, Willingness, Courage and Support you’re halfway to the freedom you’ve longed for.
Baby Steps Climb Mountains
Many people who suffer addiction find the fear of losing that ‘medication’ dependency very daunting. That’s what makes it ‘addiction’, it’s held in place by fear (psychological), as well as a physical dependency.
The best way to deal with ‘fear’ is to simply face it. You don’t have to quit the substance/behavior to do that. It’s just a thought, and you can think whatever thought you want to think, right?
Addiction may dictate your behavior but that doesn’t mean it has to dictate your thoughts. Choose a thought that addiction doesn’t want you to think and think it anyway. That’s the first step in taking your power back from addiction.
How do you heal emotional pain?
There are two schools of thought.
First, it’s highly advisable to seek out professional therapy. If you feel you need help in dealing with past traumatic events and deep emotional wounds, then by all means, do that.
On the other hand, many in the spiritual community agree with the idea of… just drop it.
Identify a particular event, or series of events, incident, injustice, or wound and look at it. Feel the feelings, allow them whatever time is necessary to process through, and then make a decision to let it go.
Instead of going around, over or under, just sit in it and go through it. You’ll know it’s over when there is no longer any resentment, guilt, anger or other lingering effects of the trauma. It is entirely possible, and many have done that, including myself.
The Most Powerful Tool for Getting Over Old (or New) Emotional Wounds
Forgiveness is probably the most powerful energy for clearing out old baggage, including deep wounds.
According to Simira Freeman, Psy.D., a psychologist in NY city, for Prevention Magazine, “Forgiveness is liberating and frees real estate in your mind and body. When we feel we’ve been wronged, it can cause stress and emotional dysregulation. Making a conscious decision to forgive a transgression can be a chance to positively reframe and release negative feelings.”
Let’s not forget that all those negative feelings we suppress are damaging to our physical, emotional and mental health.
Forgiveness is a ‘muscle’ that we develop with practice. If you’re really brave, you can reframe any and all abuse you’ve endured as ‘practice’ for your forgiveness muscle. It’s a skill that frees the heart and soothes the soul. It’s the sword that slashes the bondage to pain.
My spiritual teacher used to say forgiveness is like saying “I’m all for giving it another look.”
Identify and recognize the emotions you’re feeling: sad, disappointed, betrayed, angry, violated, etc. Then differentiate between what you think you should feel and what you actually feel. Sometimes we think we should feel a certain way, but that might just be the result of someone else’s feelings, not our own. It works to get clear about the energy you’re dealing with to let it go.
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A spiritual perspective sees any particular incarnation’s events within the context of many incarnations and the purpose of the soul for each one. Forgiveness is one of those ‘high frequency’ vibrational energies that can only be experienced on the other side of a painful event.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the actions of the person who wronged you.
Forgiveness is something you do for youself, not the other person. As they say, ‘holding a grudge is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.’ Harboring negative feelings only poisons your own peace and wellbeing.
Once a wound is healed it’s much easier to tackle an addiction.
Addiction is confronted in two ways: first physically, then emotionally and psychologically. If you are strong and dedicated to doing this, you most certainly can, but if you need help then please, get it!
Begin to take your life back from addiction:
- Make a plan – do some research, find a good journal, book, resource and develop a plan of action to take baby steps every day that slowly but surely gives you your life and power back. Just DO one thing a day. This will give you empowerment and momentum.
- Refocus – without the ‘old wound’ there to ignite it, addiction will find another way to keep you in its grasp. Counter this by involving yourself in something positive to replace the negative. Join a group, play Pickle Ball, volunteer, take up a new hobby. Ask your Guidance about this and pay attention to see what comes up.
- Read! – Find a good book or something to read daily that will fill your mind with something, anything positive. Replace those old, negative thoughts with something that inspires, motivates and invigorates you. There is a vast sea of stories, info, knowledge and wisdom to keep your mind focused on positive things. Allow Guidance to lead you to just the right thing for you. It will!
- Envision a New You – Actually, it’s not ‘new you’ but Real You. You will finally get a chance to discover who YOU truly are. When you get inspired by reading and exposing yourself to positive inspirational ideas, all those aspirations you once had will come back to you with zeal. Begin to entertain ideas of who you would like to be in this world.
- Move up the scale – once you get a handle on the negativity of the past, you can begin to allow yourself to move UP the emotional scale. Don’t know how? Think about how it would feel to be happy, to feel joy and bliss, ecstasy and love. Gratitude is a powerful place to start!
- According to Deepak Chopra in his book Overcoming Addictions, A Spiritual Solution, alignment with the true object of the quest – transcendence – can have a more powerful and transformative effect than fear-based conventional forms of treatment. His “Ayurveda-based regimen enables the reader to become more attuned to the needs and benefits of the spirit allowing the mind and body to shed destructive dependencies as they discover more satisfying alternatives.”
- Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – Decide that you will deal with any new painful event by facing it head on. Trust yourself and choose not to be afraid of pain.
Life is a roller coaster. The ‘downs’ only make the ‘ups’ that much more thrilling. It’s all a Perfect Part of a Perfect Plan. Enjoy the ride, with all its twists and turns!
Who you Really Are is a Strong, Beautiful Spirit who came here to have the experience of a lifetime, literally.
Embrace the challenge and move forward. Seriously, you deserve a wonderful, amazing life! Pain and addiction are just two experiences that you have had. What kinds of energy/emotion/experience would you LIKE to have instead?
Then you shall have them!
Aloha!