The one thing most everyone can agree on is that there is a HUGE divide amongst growing factions of Americans. Whether you’re a MAGA loyalist, a staunch leftist, or somewhere in between, everyone feels they’re side is “right” and the other side is “wrong”.

You know… that cousin or uncle or friend on social media, perhaps a few of them, who don’t mind expressing their opinion about that political meme in no uncertain terms.

You either speak up, incur their wrath and get into a back-and-forth banter than may or may not become contentiously vicious, OR you decide to just bow out of the uncomfortable situation and vow to never speak up again except in friendly territory.

Yes, there are a few that I dance with on occasion. But it doesn’t have to be an argument.

I have found there is a way to “win” by “losing”.

As a Kahuna, I will be offering a few Huna Principles to add Clarity to these tangled webs of confusion so that we can see clearly and feel empowered to take wise action.

Deal with the energy first, then the issue

With politics there is a LOT of energy. The definition of “polarization” is “a sharp division…into opposing factions” or “the grouping of opinions around two extremes”.

The word “extreme” is a significant indicator of the energy involved.

According to James Clear in Atomic Habits: We can only be rational and logical after we have been emotional. The primary mode of the brain is to feel; the secondary mode is to think.”

In other words, science tracks with this principle.

So… what to do?

How do we come together, have normal conversations and discussions without igniting anger, blow ups, stomping off, cussing, raging, disowning of family and friends, further widening the Great Divide?

Here’s another principle:

You cannot Love that which you care/worry about and you cannot be Connected to that to which you are attached

Attachment contains an inherent fear of losing whatever you’re attached to. Connection however, is grounded in Love which is free of fear. You cannot be Connected (at a higher level) if there is fear involved. ‘Caring’ what other people think is an attachment to what other people think. When you choose Love over fear you are free to be Connected to any person, idea or thing. And you are free to express yourself and tell the truth, allowing the cards to ‘fall where they may.’

Here is how I begin or respond to any discussion regarding politics: I’m interested in your viewpoint AND I’m willing to change my mind… are you?

This usually draws mixed reviews. Hems and haws. Mostly it’s just, “but I’m right so I don’t have to change my mind.” Okay, but are you at least… willing?

Willingness is the ability to Consciously Release Attachment

It is a Conscious Choice to let go of an attachment. You will still feel the emotion, that’s normal and human. But the KEY is to KNOW that you have the ability to rise above the fray with just the awareness that you have a choice.

And I won’t lie to you, it will take a bit of Courage, at least at first.

Humility and common sense also go a long way: if you’re right, you have nothing to lose. But if you’re wrong, you have everything to gain by upgrading your viewpoint.

Just too obvious, right?!

Deal with the energy, then the issue, for yourself first. Accept that: OMG! I MIGHT be wrong (about this one particular thing), and then CHOOSE to be WILLING to just entertain the thought. It’s not hard, it’s just a choice. Feel the discomfort and choose it anyway.

Nothing to lose, nothing to hide, nothing to fear

What causes that rigid, dug-in stance that is the underpinning of the Great Divide? Fear and doubt.

If one were very secure in their viewpoint there would be no need to dig in heels.

Why wouldn’t one be willing to at least consider another view? You could say, “Hmm, that’s interesting. I will consider that point and think about it.” Or they might say, “No, you’re wrong! I heard this and I heard that!” Then you could say, “Okay, if you’re so sure, then it won’t change anything if you consider my view. What do you have to lose?”

People are afraid of being “wrong”. Being wrong doesn’t feel good.  But if you say, “You know, you might be right about that”, then you open the door to them feeling better (about being right) and therefore more willing to at least listen to what you have to say.

Remember, energy first. If you are congenial from the beginning and engage with respectfulness, pretty much anyone will respond positively to that. Once you have their ear, THEN you can interject your opinion with carefully chosen words.

At the same time, you can’t ‘care’, be afraid of stepping on toes. When it comes to politics, toes will get stepped on, and that’s okay. Just do it respectfully and gingerly.

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Recently I saw an interview with a Trump supporter who when asked about all the charges facing the former president his response was the predictable, “Oh, it’s just a witch hunt. They’re gonna come after him no matter what” , but then in almost the same breath said something like this, “Nothing will diminish my support of Donald Trump. He could murder someone on the capitol steps and I would still vote for the man.”

Obviously, this is getting into cult territory where logic and reason are not even a part of the equation, but all is not lost.

Experts say the way to get through to those caught up in a cult mindset is to simply ask questions to engage critical thinking: Why do you think that? Where did you get that information? Why do you trust that source? Why does that make sense to you? How do you determine if something is true or not?

One of my favorite podcasters, David Pakman, has a very informative interview with Ward Farnsworth, author of The Socratic Method, A Practitioners Handbook and Dean of University of Texas Law School, who offers practical advise for that “Thanksgiving table conversation” using the “Socratic Method”. Check it out here.

As already mentioned, you can’t fight emotion with logic and reason. You can only help someone figure it out on their own. But if you piss them off they won’t listen to you at all, obviously.

Still, push back works. If you have the chance to create even a tiny little gap in illogical reasoning, it works for everyone to take that chance.

Love is a ‘Doing Thing’, Love is doing what is in the highest and best for everyone involved

I have found that when I stopped caring about what people think of me and grew a backbone to engage and challenge what I considered extreme notions that don’t work for anyone, people would actually back down. In fact, I was amazed at just how easily they backed down.

If an idea really is absurd, it’s easy to refute, and hard to defend.

Bad ideas don’t hold water. Any political stance that favors one group at the expense of another, doesn’t work for anyone.

Spiritually speaking, there’s no such thing as win/lose, there’s only win/win or lose/lose. And there’s no such thing as good/bad, right/wrong, fair/unfair, there’s only what works, or what doesn’t work, for everyone involved.

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Not too long ago I had an encounter with someone whom I love and respect tremendously. But alas, we find ourselves at opposite ends of the political spectrum.

Having posted my views on Facebook for years, I was surprised to suddenly find him there, challenging my views in that public way.

“Bring it!” I thought.

When I challenged him right back, he sent me a personal email outlining the parameters of our relationship as per a set of principles I had, ironically, learned from him and were applying to my views.

When I pressed further regarding the actual facts of his political views, I also told him that if he could convince me that he was correct I would gladly, willingly and happily upgrade my viewpoint. Why wouldn’t I?

Nothing to lose, nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

Eventually, after a long, carefully articulated letter respectfully explaining and fact-checking his arguments, he thanked me for the “mirror” (Huna speak for ‘feedback’).

Win by losing.

If you have nothing to lose, nothing to hide and nothing to fear, why wouldn’t you be WILLING to change your view? After all, isn’t that what a “view” is: a way of looking at something from your own perspective? It only makes logical sense that more perspectives provide a more objective, well-rounded, all-encompassing view.

More information equals a better understanding and a more educated opinion, right?

Facts, Logic and Rational Analysis vs Ego

Facts and logic are obviously something that is a fundamental part of a political discussion or, one would think, should be. But it often isn’t, especially if a discussion becomes an argument.

Arguments are not about facts, logic or reason. Arguments, by their very nature, become heated because of emotion. What is the emotion? Anger, about the need to be “right”. The greater the need, the greater the anger.

Why do we need to be right?

Most of us have seen the meme: children are not born knowing how to hate, they learn that from the world.

We learn a lot of things growing up but what we learn doesn’t always serve us except for the purpose of contrast (topic for another day). Learning to hate is one of them, as is anything having to do with ego.

Do you know someone who always has to be right about everything? We’ve all had someone like that in our lives at some point. I go into more depth regarding why good people do bad things in this blog post.

What’s ‘right’ when it comes to any disagreement can be factually analyzed. One could agree or disagree with the facts but facts are immutable by definition.

How fear-based ego feels about facts that may not fit the narrative to which it is attached, is another story.

When we have an attachment to a particular view EGO will argue until the ends of the earth to be “right”.  Why? Because its very survival depends on it. And survival is a very strong motivator.

Ego, that thing we learn growing up that pits us against others lest it ‘lose’ because of someone else’s ‘gain’, or so it’s illogical logic dictates, is the thing that creates an attachment to anything, even a viewpoint.

“Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha

Identity

So how do we go about releasing ourselves from the illogical, irrational fear-based mindset of ego? How do we make decisions and adjust our opinion if we are locked in by emotional blackmail that feels so bad if we “admit”, “give in”, “give up” or “relent”? That’s what losing an argument feels like, right?

Yes, that’s what it feels like… to EGO! That’s NOT what it feels like to YOU, your Authentic Self, your True Self. What it feels like to the Real You is POWERFUL!

Does that surprise you?

Don’t believe me? Try it.

The next time you get into it with that uncle or social media friend, find something they offer that you can say, “Oh, I didn’t know that,” or “You know, you may be right about that particular fact, I’ll look into it,” or “That’s interesting, I’ll take that into consideration.” When you do something that’s positive and unexpected, it definitely tips the power dynamic in your favor. Ego doesn’t know how to deal with that.

Here’s what happens when you ‘give in’:

  • Ego vanishes (it doesn’t like that)
  • A sudden surge of Real Power flows from the Heart
  • Your opponent is taken aback
  • THEIR ego vanishes (if only temporarily)
  • You learn something
  • They learn something
  • A heart connection is made
  • Both sides (magically) find things to agree on
  • Mutual understanding is established
  • Mutual respect is established
  • Everyone ‘wins’
  • The whole country and indeed, the whole world, is shifted at a micro level
  • The Great Divide is diminished, minutely perhaps, but diminished nonetheless
  • Positive energy builds upon itself

In fact, the only thing that ‘loses’ is ego. Because ego’s only purpose is to foment drama so that it, itself, can be relevant and exist. Ego is the definition of “self-serving”.

Ultimately, whether with politics or anything else, we all, “in our Divinity”, basically want the same things: a safe place to live, work and raise a family, reasonable health care, freedom from poverty and crime, decent education, opportunities to grow and thrive; and a healthy planet upon which to do all those things.

It’s not rocket science. I call it CRA: Consciously Release Attachment. When you can be Conscious enough to look at your ego in the face and tell it to “Beat it!”, then you get the really, really GOOD FEELING of being grounded and Heart-Centered in your own Authentic Self, which is Connected to Everything and Everyone.

And that’s a pretty good feeling!

Just Be Willing

The first step is to just be Willing. Willingness is the greatest weapon against ego, yours and other’s. Ego will always strive for dug-in, immovable, rigid; as if that is some kind of ‘strength’. It’s not. It’s quite the opposite. Flexibility leaves space for more information, ability to upgrade one’s view, to grow and change. Life is about growth and change and moving forward.

Conscious Choice gives you the ability to move from ego to Authenticity. From that space create a Vision, a vision of Peace, Calm and Unity. Rather than be overcome by the negative storms that rage around us we can Consciously project that which we want to see; in the world, or just with the next conversation.

Win by losing!

Authentic Power comes with It’s own built-in Guidance. So don’t worry about what’s happening in the country or the world. Listen to the Compassionate Whispers of your Soul and you can indeed, change the world for the better, one Conscious Choice at a time. You have that Power! Use it!

Aloha!