Avoiding the Trap of Victim/Abuser Attraction

A friend of mine, retired from the field of psychology, and suffering from anxiety and depression, posted a meme on social media: Everything Happens for A Reason, Some Things Are Just Really, Really Shit And Should Never Have Happened.

My response: Should never have happened, and yet they did. Hmm…

This was preceded by another post in which they (not necessarily their pronoun to conceal their identity) described an ordeal with nasty neighbors. The first thing that struck me was that this person had moved just a few years ago because of neighbors.

The incident led to them obtaining a protective order as described in the post. Many offered support and advice. Touched by the outpouring of love, they responded to my spiritual perspective by saying that though they appreciated my “beliefs”, they just don’t believe in spiritual stuff anymore and then quoted the definition of “victim” from the American Psychological Association: 1. an individual who is the target of another person’s violent, discriminatory, harassing, or assaultive behaviors. 2. an individual who has experienced an accident or natural disaster.”

This was after I had suggested that perhaps years of emersion in the negativity of others as per their job, could have accumulate some residual energy that would work to clear out, to circumvent the effects which may have manifested the current events in their life.

Not having it, they were determined that the only way to deal with this issue was through legal means. I’m sure they felt empowered by taking action and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Do we create our own reality or not?

As Einstein said, “Everything is energy“. Everything that exists originates somewhere. Everything that you see in the world began as energy shaped by thought, either by the mind of man or the mind of Source/Creator. Whether a building or a mountain, a chair or a bird, a spoon or a planet, everything comes into existence in the spiritual realm as energy, an idea, a potential; and then manifests into physical form.

A Huna Principle: Spirit is the blueprint for form

A “postulate” according to the Oxford Dictionary, is “a thing suggested or assumed as true as the basis for reasoning, discussion, or belief.“

A “principle” is “a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.“

One postulates that something may be true, applies it to an event or situation, determines that the postulate was indeed correct; and then finds that the postulate is a principle, validated by experiential application.

The study of quantum mechanics revealed that the postulate of spiritual/energetic origination of form was true when scientists found that an experiment could be affected and altered by the thoughts of those conducting the experiment.

The Law of Attraction

Made famous by the Rhonda Byrne’s book and movie, The Secret, the concept of the law of attraction has been around for centuries. Indeed, many catch phrases have endured, “what goes around, comes around” is the modern version of “whatsoever you sow, you shall also reap” (the Bible), “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Jesus), and “you are what you think about all day” (Emerson).

Huna has a double-sided version: spirit is the blueprint for form / that which you pay attention to comes to life.

Everything does indeed, happen for a reason. There are no accidents.

These statements are based on the principle of the Law of Attraction. Not only is everything energy; like a hologram, all energy is affected by all energy. Everything that exists is an indelible part of All That Is, and every part contains the whole.

Unconscious, as well as conscious thought/energy, affects outcomes.

Recently my sister had her remaining teeth removed in lieu of dentures. She called me the next day in terrible pain because the dentures they gave her didn’t fit properly and they didn’t give her enough pain meds. There wasn’t much I could do but we ended up on the topic of why she seems to always have “bad luck” with medical care.

We didn’t have to dig very deep. At 63, she still suffers from the debilitating effects of horrendous childhood abuse from our father. As a child she was sent to walk up the street by herself to a dentist who was supposed to pull two teeth. He kept her there for four hours and pulled four teeth, after which she walked home by herself.

As a teen, our father gave his young, handsome coworker permission to date her. Turns out he also apparently gave him permission to try to rape her. She married at 17 to get away from our father to someone who went on to beat her regularly. When she divorced him, he successfully won custody of their two children. On and on…

Though she researched diligently to find a reputable dentist, she acknowledged that her history was no doubt sabotaging her ultimate choice in dentist, who, I found out later, has the worst reputation in the area.

Blood in the water

I remember years ago, watching Oprah interview Tyler Perry, who became a successful phenom in the entertainment industry. He described the horrible abuse he suffered from his father as a child, only to have two other people in the neighborhood also abuse him.

Gobsmacked by the seeming coincidence, Oprah asked why in the world that would happen. He replied, “Blood in the water.” Victims and abusers find each other through the energy they unconsciously project.

The subconscious energy of “victim” is broadcast to all available “abuser” energy and like a vacuum, victim and abuser are sucked into the drama that neither would consciously choose. On the stage of life, roles are played in the drama we unwittingly partake in.

Deal with the energy first, then the issue.

One can attempt to address issues at the surface level of form, but like holding a beach ball under water, it will eventually reemerge in some other way, shape or form. If you are finding repeat patterns in your life, it would behoove you to look inward to find the origins of unhealed energy.

It was once considered conventional wisdom to spend years, if necessary, doing your “healing work”. Now days, more authorities in the field of spiritual growth and healing agree that it’s not really necessary. It’s possible to… just drop it. Find it, feel it, and then make a conscious choice to just let it go. Forgive.

Malu and Akua

The ancient Hawaiian tradition of Huna had a wonderful way of describing the distinction between Life-Giving energies, Akua, and life-taking energies, malu. Akua are things like kindness, patience, forgiveness, love, grace. Malu are things like anger, greed, hate, vindictiveness… and yes, victim and abuser.

True Identity

Akua reflect our True Identity as beings who are one with All That Is. Malu are the energies we dance with in the World of Form so that we can experience contrast. The World of Form is an illusory field that reflects thought energy, a perfect stage for life’s drama.

Malu, whether victim, abuser, whinner, complainer, exploiter, etc., only get to manifest when they give unconscious people thoughts and feelings of that energy. To the degree that we identify with those thoughts and feelings is the degree we will act them out.

Grace, Responsibility and Waking Up

Victim and Abuser are by definition, in a relationship with one another. Without one, there isn’t the other. Just because you have been a “victim” of someone or something in your past does not make you A Victim now. Just because you have abused someone in the past does not make you An Abuser now.

Whether victim or abuser; the names, faces and circumstances of the other will change but the pattern continues between the opposing, attracting energies who use the bodies of unconscious divine beings to do what they do: create the drama we came here to experience. When we’ve had enough pain, we wake up.

What breaks the cycle of victim/perpetrator attraction is to be Conscious, to finally recognize that what you are identified with is NOT YOU. Once this recognition has taken place, even if for only a moment, the cycle will begin to break down because, the gig is up. Once you know, you can’t UNknow.

When we take complete responsibility for everything in our reality, we take our power back. We take it back from whatever life-taking energy we may have been identified with and begin to come back to our True Self. Our thoughts change from “powerless victim” to “powerful creator””, from “hurting abuser” to “compassionate healer”.

When we take responsibility for our reality, and the thoughts and actions that created it, we have the ability to change the trajectory of our lives as well as all of the unwanted circumstances.

We Wake Up to an alignment with Grace that erases all consequences. And life begins anew.

Aloha!