As a fundamental human value, Loyalty is a bond built on Trust and Respect. It is that connection that promotes a sense of safety and trust while also respecting a diversity of feelings and opinions, and the autonomy of others.
A recent Facebook “conversation” of opposing views regarding politics inspired me to delve into this topic. It was apparent to me, the elephant in the cyber room, was misplaced loyalty.
So, where exactly is the “line” between that which is Life-Giving and that which is life-taking, vice versus virtue?
What’s the difference between “blind loyalty” and “true loyalty”?
Four Red Flags of “Cult Loyalty”:
- ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE: As a member of a group, if you are expected to follow the edicts of a leader without question, you’re probably in a cult. If the leader is portrayed as infallible or divinely ordained or chosen and the leader’s authority is the central pillar of the group, where loyalty is measured by the willingness to comply unconditionally, then you’re probably in a ‘cult.’
Loyalty in a cult is defined by one’s ability to put all trust and faith in the leader, often in disregard of, or in spite of, facts, logic, reason or evidence that contradicts the leader. Critical thinking is replaced by “blind loyalty”, giving the leader absolute power to make all decisions with the group’s total predetermined approval.
2. ISOLATION: Cults often isolate members from outside influences, including family and friends who are not a part of the group. This strengthens the leader’s control and ensures that members’ loyalty remains undivided. By cutting off or depicting outside support systems as “evil” or “corrupt” it makes it difficult for members to leave and reinforces their dependance on the group.
3. FEAR AND MANIPULATION: Fear tactics are a staple of cult leaders to maintain control of their group. This can include threats of punishment, both physical and psychological, or invoking fears of damnation or disaster for those who leave or disobey.
Manipulative techniques like love bombing (intense, seemingly affectionate attention) and gaslighting (making someone doubt their own reality or reasoning), are also common.
4. US VS. THEM MENTALITY: Cults often promote an ‘us vs. them’ mentality, where the outside world is viewed as dangerous or corrupt. This reinforces the members’ loyalty to the group by making them believe they are part of a special or enlightened community. It also creates an emotional barrier to leaving, as former members fear they will be lost without the group.
Why Do People Join Cults or Cult-Like Groups?
It begins with fear, primarily unconscious fear, a vibe that’s running in the background of someone’s mind for some time and manifests in other negative emotions like anger, blame and resistance to anything new or different.
When someone comes along to validate that anger and fear, and gives them someone to blame, people who are unconscious of their underlying negative influences are easy prey for a cult leader looking to illicit their loyalty and devotion.
Rather than enlighten people with truth, responsibility and empowerment; the leader validates the persons’ fears, encourages their rage, and fans the flames of blame and angst. It’s a cheap way of garnering loyalty to himself.
Rather than thinking logically or critically to derive causation regarding any particular topic, the cult-prone tend to immediately attach emotional theories to topics the leader dispenses as “red meat” that their followers happily consume for even more validation of their personal woes.
This induces a feeling of belonging which further entrenches their loyalty to the leader. Eventually, logic and reason, or even contradictory evidence, are tossed aside in favor of whatever dear leader says, therefore cementing even more control over them. This is called “cognitive dissonance”.
When someone chooses to believe a lie rather than recognize the truth, they and the leader engage in a transactional relationship: if you follow me and let me think and speak for you, I will take care of your interests thereby relieving you of the responsibility of figuring things out for yourself, thinking for yourself or making decisions for yourself.
When Loyalty Replaces Trust
Trust is earned. If it is not earned by validation of facts and evidence, or if blind loyalty to a personality replaces Trust, then this is when ‘loyalty’ turns from Life-Giving to life-taking.
When a ‘leader’ can spout lie after lie and their followers choose to believe what dear leader says simply because HE said it, then the leader becomes empowered at the followers’ expense, false power.
Projection is a common characteristic of cult leaders. He will project what he is doing onto others and faithful followers will condemn what ‘the other’ is doing while blindly ignoring that their leader is doing exactly what he is accusing ‘the other’ of doing.
Healthy Loyalty
Loyalty, in a Life-Giving situation, is validated by Truth, Facts and Logic, thereby building mutual Trust and Respect. Here are four distinguishing characteristics of True Loyalty:
- MUTUAL RESPECT: People are loyal to each other because they value one another’s opinions, feelings and autonomy. Respect fosters a sense of safety and trust, allowing for open communication and healthy boundaries.
2. CHOICE AND AUTONOMY: True loyalty is a choice, not a demand or requirement of the leader and/or the group. People choose to be loyal based on genuine affection, commitment or shared goals. This loyalty is not an attachment to a person, but rather to shared principles and values. When the principles and values are no longer shared, people are allowed to withdraw their loyalty.
3. SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT: In families, friendships and workplaces, loyalty manifests as support and encouragement. People show loyalty by standing by each other in times of need, offering help and celebrating successes together. This kind of loyalty strengthens bonds and promotes individual growth and wellbeing.
4. ETHICAL BOUNDARIES: Healthy loyalty does not demand that individuals compromise their morals or values. Loyalty is not about blind obedience but supporting one another in a way that is morally and ethically sound.
True Leaders and the Loyalty Rule-of-Thumb
Appreciation, admiration and adulation of someone in a leadership role is a wonderful thing. True Leaders foster Honesty and Integrity, Dignity and Respect, Compassion and Empathy and that kind of leader deserves admiration and respect.
A fake leader foments anger and contempt, judgement and blame, hostility and violence. He trades personal devotion to him for his tacit approval and encouragement of life-taking ideas, actions and rhetoric that gives his followers permission to act out their worst impulses. He instills falsehoods and fear to manipulate his followers for his own purposes and goals.
A simple rule-of-thumb to discern if what you are feeling is true loyalty or simply being caught up in an emotional attachment to a personality is this:
True Loyalty is to Principles, not people.
If shared principles are Life-Giving, such as those stated above, then no emotional attachment to a person is needed or required.
A True Leader will agree. A fake leader will not.
A fake leader is essentially a dictator who wants blind devotion to him and him alone, regardless of the lack of, or violation of, those fundamental Life-Giving Principles. He wants to be “above the law”.
A True Leader will never put themselves above the law or any other Life-Giving Principle.
That’s because we all have a True Self/Divine Self/Higher Self that is grounded in that which is Life-Giving. Ego-Mind on the other hand, is grounded in the fake, false, dishonest illusion of false power.
For more about the characteristics of ‘Ego-Mind’ and false power, check out my article here.
In Conclusion
If you find yourself caught up in an overwhelming need to be devoted to a personality in exchange for a sense of belonging, take a moment to step back, regain some objectivity and discern the energy.
Decide whether your loyalty is to one person’s ego, or to Life-Giving Principles that work for everyone.
If your leader is not willing to put Life-Giving Principles above themselves then they are not worthy of your loyalty.
Either way, whether a leader expresses negative or positive values and principles, it is those values and principles that you are pledging your loyalty to: Love or hate, Compassion or cruelty, Equality or divisiveness, Cooperation or retribution, Fairness or privilege, Forward/Growth/Progress or backward regression.
From the Perspective of Divinity, all things are made Clear.
Aloha!